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Could I have some feedback on my writing?
For a writing class I have to write an introductory paragraph of a story. What do you think? Do you have any constructive criticism? Thanks.
Hazy moonlight filtered through the manicured canopies of lotus trees, dispersing a fragmented light across the surrounding palace gardens. The pungent aroma of ripe pomegranates satiated the idle, evening air. It was suffocating, disorienting, and intoxicating; its narcotic effect induced a state of restless sedation. Serpentine pathways meandered in and out of the lush fernery, winding and twisting, then slipping into the abysmal shadows of distant trees. Florid displays of orchids were artfully arranged throughout the landscape, their stimulating iridescence was worthy of admiration. Yet, they seemed to have an affected brilliance as if they were given to exhibitionism. Their flashiness, however, was in vain for more glaring sprays of yellow hyacinths easily subdued them.
i did a piece thike this once for class and the nature of the assignment was visulazation i think this would be persfect for that. but i must say it was a little hard to read. the big words kinda muddled together and it became mundane. use less of the phrases like stimulating irridecence or atleast spread them wider apart.
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